This As Told essay is based on a conversation with Sandra Bonola, 56, who moved from Connecticut to Charleston, South Carolina, in 2021, and then to Beaufort, South Carolina, in 2023, before deciding the South wasn’t right for her. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

I am a native New Englander, born and raised in Connecticut. At the end of 2021, I started thinking seriously about moving. I am an empty nester and thanks to my remote job I can work from anywhere in the country.

I was attracted to the South because people talked about it as if it were the promised land. The stories made it seem like it had better weather, cheaper houses, and a more affordable cost of living. I believed it and said to myself, “If I move south, I can have an easier life and it won’t be so expensive.”

I decided to move to Charleston, South Carolina. I thought there I would be further out, closer to the beach, have a lower cost of living and have access to the coast. I was also hoping for that small town atmosphere and southern charm.

I packed up the 2,500-square-foot Colonial I had lived in for 20 years and moved. I got rid of a lot of things I no longer needed and put the rest away.

I really hoped that Charleston would be right for me. But about four months after moving there, I realized that almost everything I had expected was turning out to be the complete opposite.

I first tested the waters in Charleston.

In Charleston, I stayed at a friend’s apartment and paid rent month by month while I decided if I wanted to buy a house there. I’m grateful for that setup because it gave me a trial period. In those four months, I learned a lot about Charleston and what I really wanted.

One of the first things I noticed was that everyone seemed to be moving that way. The city was crowded and navigating the city center was always a challenge. Its streets were also full of traffic; It would take me up to an hour to try to get to downtown Charleston from John’s Island.

The city was also more expensive than I expected. I was somewhat insulated from housing costs because I was renting from my friend, but food, entertainment, and taxes were much higher than I had anticipated.

The southern charm I was expecting didn’t feel like I expected either. Charleston has a great “going out” culture, much of which seems to revolve around where to eat or drink. That’s not really my thing. For me, the city lacked the creative flavor I was looking for.

The weather was another important factor. Everyone knows New England can have brutal winters and I don’t like shoveling snow, so I was eager to get away from that. But after moving south, I realized I had traded brutal winters for brutal summers. It was very hot.

At first I thought I just needed time to adjust. But the more I explored Charleston, the more I realized that the lifestyle I had imagined didn’t match my reality.

It was bothering me, then I got frustrated, and then I was done.

I tried the South again, but it still wasn’t for me.

I didn’t feel like I had anything to lose, so I returned to Connecticut in 2022. Instead of feeling defeated, I actually felt grateful that I gave Charleston a chance.

For a while, I rented a beach house for months in Connecticut while looking for a house to buy. But the search for housing in New England looked bleak. I was trying to downsize, but even the smallest houses were priced high. It made me feel like I might never find what I was looking for.

After house hunting for 14 months in Connecticut, I was eager to put down roots. The idea of ​​moving to a quieter, more affordable small town was still appealing. So in July 2023, I decided to try the south again, this time in Beaufort, South Carolina, a small town I had explored while living in Charleston.

There I was able to purchase a beautiful three-bedroom ranch-style home for $425,000. It was new construction in a planned community.

The house checked a lot of boxes. It was beautiful, new, and much more affordable than what I could have bought in Connecticut. But I still didn’t feel at home in Beaufort.

Affordability is important, but community is also needed

It was so hot in Beaufort that I rarely saw or interacted with my neighbors. People waved and then hurried back inside. I kept thinking, “How am I going to socialize here?”

I joke that I’m an OG remote worker because I started working remotely in 2008. Remote work gives you some social interaction, but you still need to get out and make real connections with people.

I tried to put myself in situations where I could meet people. I looked for yoga classes, local events, and other activities I could join. But what I discovered was that many people had moved there for family reasons or with their spouse, and they were mostly supporting themselves.

It lacked the kind of community connection I was used to seeing in the Northeast. I kept trying to make those connections and stay open to it, but I kept failing.

I tell this story to people and sometimes they understand it and sometimes they don’t. But I knew it was over one morning when I woke up, looked at the ceiling fan in my room, and thought, “I really hate that fan and I’m losing hope in my life.”

I didn’t appreciate the beauty of Connecticut until I returned

In 2024, I returned to Connecticut. Right now I live on the coast, in an apartment inside a converted Civil War-era hospital. I’m on one of the upper floors so I can see the boats and the water.

I continue looking for housing and making offers with more confidence. Home prices are high here, but prices in the south are also rising.

I began to think of homeownership in Connecticut more as an investment in both my future and my happiness. I have set a budget of about $800,000 for a house, although some of the houses I have been interested in are around $650,000.

I’m seeing possibilities I haven’t seen before and that’s exciting.

Being back in Connecticut has been eye-opening. I don’t think I fully appreciated its beauty until I had something to compare it to.

There are so many opportunities here. I love the energy and the people. I’ve also taken advantage of the location, doing things like hopping on a train to New York to see a show or making more of an effort to connect with friends.

When I think about whether I would ever move somewhere else, I keep coming back to something a photographer in Massachusetts once told me. He had lived in Bali with his family and I remember asking him, “You lived in Bali? Why did you come to Massachusetts?”

I will never forget what he told me. He said: “I can go anywhere in the world from an airport, but you really have to realize that the ground beneath your feet is beautiful if you choose to see it that way.”

That stayed with me. It changed the way I thought about Connecticut and made me realize I needed to take off my blinders. There was beauty right at my feet; I just needed to see it.