When I first moved in with my parents when I was in my twenties, I didn’t expect the deal to take me into my thirties. I stayed because, although it was different from what anyone in my social circle did, I was surprised by how much we all enjoyed it. In this house of three
When I first moved in with my parents when I was in my twenties, I didn’t expect the deal to take me into my thirties. I stayed because, although it was different from what anyone in my social circle did, I was surprised by how much we all enjoyed it. In this house of three adults who cared deeply about the well-being of others, my life was better than it had been in a long time.
The best part, for me, was the interdependence: after two years of living alone, even being able to say, “Could you make me a sandwich too?” or “No problem, I’ll bring your headache medicine from upstairs!” It felt refreshing. I also appreciated the opportunity to spend quality unscheduled time and the feeling that I was never completely alone.
I felt like I had discovered a secret and wondered what other iterations of housing and community I had been missing. I decided to edit an anthology on the topic, which became Living Together: Reinventing Community in the Age of Disconnection. When my parents wanted to retire and downsize after six years of, well, living together, and I had to find my own place again, I kept in mind everything I learned from the stories in the book.
Upon leaving my parents’ house, I imagined I would settle in a more walkable neighborhood than the one they chose. When a house opened across the parking lot from his, I resisted looking at it. Surely I couldn’t go from living with my parents when I was 30 to living just steps away. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked the prospect of continuing the chance encounters, sharing of resources, and emotional support that have enriched our lives.
It’s been almost a year since we became neighbors and I think it was a big step.
Last year, the author moved into a house across the street from her parents’ parking lot. This picture shows the distance from her house to her balcony: her dad is in the red circle, she asked him to stop to take a photo as he passed by. Courtesy of Samantha Paige Rosen
We have more privacy and flexibility than when we lived together
When I lived with my parents, it was sometimes difficult for them because I needed quiet while I worked. Now I can have that in my house and my parents don’t have to worry about the volume of their TV shows or phone calls.
We also don’t usually stop by each other’s houses constantly and without prior notice, even though we live very close and have the keys to each other’s houses.
I avoid the curse of one-person supermarkets and they save money by sharing too
The bane of my existence as a single person living alone is food rotting in the refrigerator. Lunch meat, melon, fresh mozzarella – somehow I can never eat it all.
This is the first time I live alone and I can share the groceries because my parents live very close. It ensures that food and money are not wasted in any of our homes.
They help me take care of my cats.
My 2-year-old cat spends half a day at my parents’ house playing with their cats. Everyone is having a great time, my older cat is getting some much-needed rest, and I can focus on work without the energy of a kitten around me. One of my friends asked if she could drop off her energetic cat and 1-year-old son at Rosen Family Daycare!
My older cat has also developed chronic health problems that make me uncomfortable leaving her alone for too long. When I know I have to be away for more than a few hours, one of my parents goes to check on me. I’m not sure what I would do without that option and I know they like being able to visit often.
The author’s young cat goes to her parents’ house every day to play with their cats, giving her older cat time to rest without her antics. Courtesy of Samantha Paige Rosen
My parents have been a great help during a busy year.
The proximity of my parents has made a huge difference, practically and emotionally, in a year in which I have had a lot of extra work related to the publication of my book. At least one night a week, my mom comes over with leftover ziti or salad; She understands that I have many things to do and these efforts make me feel cared for.
Although I had to turn down more plans than I would have liked this year, I was able to maintain the routine of having dinner and watching TV with my dad almost every Tuesday night. Even when we’re tired or start late, we make it through because it’s a 30-second walk!
Similarly, when I have little time to socialize, I can go to my parents’ house for dinner (and clip their restless cats’ nails or comment on a technological mishap). When free time is too scarce to see friends, the closeness of my parents has ensured that my mental and emotional health has not been affected.
As long as it lasts, I’m glad to be here.
Working on my book, I learned that the key to reaping the benefits of community living is flexibility. I am aware that this is a stage in my life and I am open to any life scenario that the future may hold for me.
Sometimes I wish I lived in an area within walking distance of coffee shops, libraries, arts experiences, and friends. But I made the decision to live so close to my parents based on what I felt I needed at the time. It’s been helpful, meaningful, and fun, and that was during a difficult and busy year.
I’m looking forward to seeing what the future of being my parents’ neighbors has in store for me.