We are told that happiness is the most important thing in the world. But we’re pretty bad at knowing how to find it.

From avoiding talking to strangers to buying things to make ourselves feel better, we do all kinds of things to feel happier that don’t work. Even stranger: trying to feel happier can backfire. Here are some interesting scientific findings from the world of happiness research.

Please note that this article is not intended to be any type of mental health advice; These are just some interesting scientific findings related to happiness. If you suffer from depression, or even sometimes just have a hard time feeling happy, consulting with a mental health professional is never a bad idea.

You should talk to strangers, actually.

Humans are social animals, but we don’t know that about ourselves. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology by Nicholas Epley of the University of Chicago and Juliana Schroeder of the University of California found a curious gap between how people imagine their needs and what they really want.

Researchers asked commuters on public transportation to do one of three things: intentionally connect with a stranger during the trip, stay disconnected, or travel as they normally would. Participants in the first group, that is, those who intentionally connected with someone, reported a more positive experience. What’s interesting is that participants predicted the opposite: that connecting with someone would make their trip worse.

A 2022 review of research by those two researchers, among others, found that people consistently underestimate the benefit of social engagement, to their own detriment. People apparently believe that talking to strangers will make their lives worse, even though the opposite is true.

A 2020 meta-analysis published in Self and identity I tried to explain why people avoid talking to strangers and found that there are many reasons. “People’s concerns about not enjoying the conversation, not liking their partner, and not being able to carry on the conversation, as well as their concerns about their partner not enjoying the conversation, not liking them, and not being able to carry on the conversation were all intercorrelated and related to actual conversation behavior,” the study says. “A comparison of pre-conversation predictions with post-conversation experiences revealed that all of people’s fears were greatly exaggerated.”

Basically, if you want to feel a little better, try striking up a conversation with someone you don’t know. Research suggests it will help.

Time is (more important than) money

Questions about money and happiness are clichés, of course, but most people imagine they would be happier with more. But there’s another resource that research suggests has more to do with happiness: time.

In a 2019 study published in Scientific advancesThe researchers asked about 1,000 college graduates whether they valued time or money more, and then followed up a year later. The results were clear: “Respondents who valued time more than money chose more intrinsically rewarding activities and were happier one year after graduating.”

Constantly focusing on money, to the exclusion of other interests, does not lead to happiness. That’s not to say money can’t make you happier: research suggests it can. It just does a better job when you spend it the right way. A 2018 research review by researchers at UCLA and Harvard Business School found that purchasing physical objects, in general, does not increase happiness. What are you doing? “Prosocial spending, experiential purchases and time purchasing,” according to the study.

Prosocial spending refers to spending money to benefit others: buying a gift, for example, or donating it to a charity. Experiential purchases refer to using money to experience something, such as a vacation or attending a live event. And saving time refers to outsourcing tasks: hiring a cleaner, for example. “Taking just the four spending categories reviewed here, research suggests that while material purchases typically do not result in happiness, prosocial spending, experiential purchases, and time purchases do,” the article concludes.

Now, obviously, if you’re struggling to get by, this advice isn’t particularly relevant. However, if you have some money to spend and want to use it to feel happier, maybe give up physical objects in favor of something prosocial, experiential, or time-saving.

Chasing happiness doesn’t work

It may seem tragic, but trying to be happier can backfire. It turns out that happiness isn’t something you can pursue (if that sounds unpatriotic, sorry, I’m Canadian).

A 2011 paper published by researchers at the University of Denver and two other institutions found that valuing happiness “can be counterproductive.” The paper described two studies. In the first, participants (all women) who reported valuing happiness “reported lower happiness when under conditions of low, but not high, life stress.” The researchers say this suggests that “valuing happiness is not necessarily related to greater happiness” and could even have the opposite effect.

The second experiment was a little more clever. Participants in a laboratory were led to believe that they were in a study on television programming. Some read a paragraph beforehand about the importance of happiness; The control group was shown the same paragraph, but the word “happiness” was replaced with “make accurate judgments.” Participants were then shown a randomly selected two-minute film clip, either happy or sad. The strange thing: “Participants who were made to value happiness more were in a less positive emotional state than participants in the control condition after the happy clip.” In other words, being told to value happiness made subjects less able to value happiness. “These findings are consistent with the idea that valuing happiness leads to less happiness by leading people to disappointment,” the study states.

What should a person who seeks happiness do? “It may be advantageous to encourage people to follow John Stuart Mill’s suggestion of not having their minds fixed on their personal happiness,” the study concludes, stating that “decreased valuation of happiness could be one of the active ingredients in the acceptance of negative emotional experiences.”

A 2017 paper published by researchers at the University of Toronto and the University of California at Berkeley reached similar conclusions. The research, which found that “habitually accepting mental experiences broadly predicted psychological health,” concludes that “striving to control mental experiences, such as emotions, can result in worse emotional experiences and worse psychological health.”

That doesn’t mean you can’t do things to make yourself happier. But focusing on happiness and trying to control emotions probably won’t work.

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