This essay as told is based on a conversation with Lena Koropey, 48, whose mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Koropey’s mother currently lives with her, but Koropey plans to build an ADU in her backyard and move into it. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s
This essay as told is based on a conversation with Lena Koropey, 48, whose mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Koropey’s mother currently lives with her, but Koropey plans to build an ADU in her backyard and move into it. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease 10 years ago and her condition has gradually progressed. It is definitely more difficult every year.
I am Ukrainian-American and in our culture there is a strong understanding that family members care about each other. So, although my mother has a live-in caregiver, I oversee her care and well-being; She let me know from the beginning that this was her wish.
In many ways, it’s like continuing a family tradition. Years ago, when my grandparents became ill, my mother moved into their home on Long Island and became their sole caregiver. I’m grateful to do the same for her.
Koropey’s mother. Courtesy of Lena Koropey
In 2020, after years of searching, I purchased a house for us in Mattituck, on the North Fork of Long Island. I have fond memories of visiting my grandparents on the island as a child and always knew that one day I wanted to have a home there.
North Fork is close to New York City, where I work, and my mom already knew it, so it seemed like the right place.
Moving further east has improved their quality of life. She is still active and here she has more space to walk (her favorite activity), enjoy nature and feel safe and comfortable in a quiet environment.
We plan to build an ADU in the backyard.
I paid $550,000 for our three-bedroom, two-bathroom ranch-style home. The three bedrooms are for my mother, her caregiver and me.
The house is relatively small (about 1,300 square feet), but its single-story design makes it easier for my mother to get around without having to climb stairs. It also has a fenced yard, which keeps it safe.
However, the property’s biggest draw is its half-acre of land. I didn’t know exactly what the future would hold, so it was important to me to have that extra space and flexibility.
Koropey’s backyard. Courtesy of Lena Koropey
I have spent a lot of time considering whether our current living situation will continue to meet our needs as my mother’s condition progresses.
Over the years, I have created spreadsheets and mapped out various scenarios, including building a small cabin or accessory dwelling unit (ADU) on our property, moving to another home, or, as a last resort, placing my mother in a care facility.
For now, we have decided to build an ADU. Once construction is complete, I plan to move there so my mother can remain in the familiar surroundings of the main house with her caregiver.
Building an ADU can be a complicated process
Building an ADU has been a long and complicated process, and we have been planning it for several years now. It’s almost like building another house, with many things to consider, such as zoning requirements, permits, and the septic system.
We have met with several architects and builders. We haven’t started construction yet, but the design we’re considering is a 750-square-foot house with two bedrooms and one bathroom, essentially a small apartment.
Accessibility is an important priority. We want the ADU to be as close to ground level as possible, with minimal stairs. The space would be ADA compliant, with doors, hallways and a bathroom large enough to accommodate a wheelchair and allow a caregiver to assist someone comfortably.
The ADU will be designed in an “L” shape and will be located in the rear right corner, overlooking the pool. Courtesy of Lena Koropey
This is an important investment for us. We anticipate construction costs of approximately $550 per square foot, bringing the total to approximately $450,000. This is a rounded estimate, as projects like this often cost more than expected.
Although it will be expensive, I think it will be worth it. Having everyone on the same property is enormously valuable. You really can’t put a price on that sense of community, the family bond, or the ability to support each other.
There is no perfect solution, but this works for us.
Caring for an elderly parent, especially one with an illness, can take a physical and emotional toll. Just do the best you can.
For some families, that may mean choosing a care facility. I have friends and family who have had positive experiences with that option. Others, like me, choose to help their parents age in place.
As a real estate agent, I see more people planning for these difficult decisions long before they have to make them.
Some families buy entire buildings so that their children, parents, cousins and other relatives can live close to each other, almost like a family compound. Some of my older clients with one-bedroom apartments are looking for two-bedroom units to have enough space for a future caregiver.
I have also seen more builders designing homes with separate wings, cabins or private homes for family members.
The family in their backyard. Courtesy of Lena Koropey
My mother and I have always been very close. She is my best friend and did a lot for me growing up. I am grateful to have been able to honor her desire to remain surrounded by the people she loves.
There is no perfect solution, but my property gives me the flexibility to adapt our way of life as her needs change and ultimately care for her at home for as long as possible.