This essay as told is based on a conversation with Teri Carlyle, 58, who lives with her sister and father in Vallejo, California. Carlyle said that multigenerational living The agreement has worked well for them and has allowed the family to reduce costs. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

I have had an incredible life. I knew my great-grandparents, so I know what it’s like to age with dignity and grace. My grandparents loved and supported us. I have traveled the world and am the director of finance and operations at a non-profit organization.

My parents were married for 64 years when my mom died. My mom retired from the federal government, while my dad retired from Sears. They had a motor home and traveled the country seven months a year. They had joined all these RV clubs.

But when my parents got sick, they came to live with me.

My parents’ health began to deteriorate.

In 2021, my father suffered a stroke. Although he was not paralyzed, he began to have mobility problems, forcing him to remain in a wheelchair. My mom was my dad’s main caregiver.

But one day in April 2023, I was at home working when my mom fainted. We didn’t know he had a heart problem. She was healthy for most of her life, and this was completely unexpected. His legs began to swell.

They both needed more formal care, and we knew we had to pay for it out of pocket. I rented my parents’ house in 2022 and they both moved in with me.

It wasn’t until two weeks before his death that we discovered how serious his condition was. He was in the emergency room in January 2024. He was dying and the doctor didn’t know if he had weeks, months or years left.

Fortunately, she had the foresight to prepare for her retirement so that when she died, my dad would still receive his retirement check. He earned about $4,600 a month, but after his death, it dropped to $2,800. We had to find a way to make up this difference.

In May 2025, my father woke up one morning and couldn’t use any words.

We went to the hospital with him. He was asleep for three weeks and we didn’t know what was going on. My sister and I never left his side the entire time. Finally, he began to come to himself.

Now I have a caregiver who comes to my house to bathe and feed him, and we have another person who comes at night to do the same.

It’s a blessing that my parents’ house is paid for. My sister’s house, which is right across the street, has a very small mortgage. Once my mom passed away, we were all overwhelmed and I told my sister that I couldn’t take care of dad alone, so my sister moved in with me too.

My dad can be here with us and there is always someone around. We know that we will never put him in a center.

We hired a caregiver to come during the day.

We can function quite well. We pay $480 a month for a personal trainer to work with my father and over $3,000 a month for caregiving services. There are also insurance costs.

We also take it to sporting events, concerts, and the movies from time to time.

My dad receives Social Security and he receives my mom’s government pension. I help make up the difference. My brother and his wife often buy food and other things to help out. My sister takes care of some tasks, like hiring a barber to come to the house.

We are trying to find ways to reduce costs.

We want to sell my parents’ motorhome, but it is my dad who must decide if he no longer wants it. We know we have to let go of some other things, like your car.

I’m also trying to think of other ways to increase our income, like renting out one of our houses, either mine or my sister’s.

Our bank accounts look different than when our mom was alive, but we also don’t want to take on too many responsibilities, like side jobs, that would prevent us from being with our dad.

I realized that we take our elders for granted

We don’t spend enough time with our elders to get everything we can from them. Everyone needs to have difficult and uncomfortable conversations while everyone is healthy and see what everyone wants for their lives.

Younger people should live their best lives because, one day, they might have to come home and take care of their parents, and there should be no resentment for not being able to do something when they had the ability to do so.

People think that caregiving is a burden. I am living a beautiful nightmare because it is truly an act of love to be able to take care of my parents and make them see that I love them.