As a 48-year-old single mother working full-time and raising two teenagers in Seattle, one of the most expensive cities in the United States, I was exhausted. I had recently represented myself in a protracted divorce and custody case, was struggling to make a living as a freelance communications consultant, and was constantly worrying about how to pay the bills.

I desperately wanted to improve my circumstances, but I was too tired. I felt overwhelmed, with no way out, when all I wanted was to take a nap.

I felt like my world was getting smaller every day when my inner critic suggested, “Maybe you’re just lazy.”

I thought this was what middle age was supposed to feel like.

When my boyfriend and I vacationed in Hawaii for two weeks, all he wanted to do was sleep, but even that was thwarted by his loud, chronic snoring.

At the end of the vacation, instead of feeling rested and relaxed, I was so stressed that I threatened to end the relationship if he didn’t get it checked out right away.

When we returned home, she was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) and started treating it with a CPAP machine.

Once he started sleeping better, he noticed that I was also snoring and wheezing at night, which surprised me as I associated the condition with older, overweight men, not middle-aged women like me.

So I was even more surprised to learn that I also had OSA. And although I was relieved to know that there was a reason for my symptoms, I was hopeless. As a light sleeper, I assumed that using the CPAP machine and mask required to treat OSA would only make it harder to get a good night’s rest, and I thought I was doomed to spend the rest of my life chronically exhausted.

Still, I had nothing to lose at that moment, so I decided to give it a try.

Using the CPAP machine wasn’t as bad as I expected and almost immediately I started sleeping soundly for the first time in years. After two weeks of consistent use, I went an entire day without wanting a nap and started to feel like I was getting my life back.

Sleeping constantly changed more than just my nights

It wasn’t long before I had the bandwidth to start making changes that previously seemed out of reach. For the first time in years, I felt capable instead of frantic and overwhelmed.

One day, I woke up and, instead of stumbling around in a haze of exhaustion, I grabbed an old composition notebook and started journaling while sipping my coffee.

A few weeks later, instead of taking that afternoon nap, I laced up my sneakers and started taking short daily walks around my neighborhood, eventually upgrading to a three-mile loop around my favorite local park.

Little by little, I began to feel like a different person. Someone with the energy to make me the woman I always wanted to be. Journaling helped me get to know myself better and gain clarity about my life goals. Walking regularly and spending time in nature helped clear my mind and calm my nervous system.

For the first time, I was enjoying life instead of just surviving. My future no longer seemed like something I simply had to endure.

I realized that burnout had been shaping my decision-making process.

I also began to see how chronic exhaustion had affected nearly every aspect of my life, and I couldn’t help but wonder how many decisions I would have made differently if I hadn’t made them through a fog of sleep deprivation.

Would I have been kinder to myself? Did you leave that unhealthy relationship before?

I will never know. And that makes me sad, even as my new energy excites me about my future. Because treating a chronic medical condition that I didn’t even know had helped me expand my life in ways I could never have imagined.

Seven years later, I wish I could go back and tell my 48-year-old man, “You’re not lazy, you’re just sleep-deprived.”