I didn’t expect to start my adult life so young, but that’s where I found myself when my parents kicked me out of their house at 17.

I learned how cruel life can be by living in a homeless shelter for a year. I cried myself to sleep almost every night and realized that the only one I could turn to for help was myself.

I dropped out of high school and worked three jobs to survive. At one of those jobs, I met someone and started dating her while she was living in the homeless shelter.

We got married three months after meeting each other and moved into an apartment together. It felt good to be free, but my responsibilities were just beginning.

I have always been the primary financial provider and support system.

My first wife and I had three children, along with all the expenses and responsibilities that come with children.

I obtained my CDL license and was able to get a job driving semi-trucks, which allowed me to support my family.

I then started a business that was successful and grew quickly. Each year he earned more money and took on more responsibilities as a father, husband, and friend.

Even after our relationship ended and we divorced, I remained the primary breadwinner for my family.

As I made more money, the more people in my life depended on me.

I was the one my family and friends could turn to for financial support as my businesses were doing well. They asked me for loans, gifts, and help paying others’ bills.

I was the only person my family and friends turned to for leadership, mentorship, and guidance as I had overcome so much in life. I was always there, the stable one.

For years, life continued like this, with me being the one everyone depended on, and it began to wear on me.

When I was almost 30, I started to get emotionally tired. I felt trapped.

At 45 years old, I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted from the weight of it all. The pressure of always having to be there for others has almost broken me.

Therapy has helped me

Thank God for therapy. Seeing therapists over the past five years has taught me how to develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Luckily, I also have some people in my life who see what I’m dealing with and help me bring some peace into my life. There are some people who don’t demand anything from me and who I can turn to.

Although I am exhausted, therapy and good people have been a relief and a counterbalance to the constant pressure of being the one everyone turns to.

I’m taking a time to be selfish and take better care of myself.

As a man and a leader, I feel a responsibility to be strong and always available to anyone in my life who may need me, but that is going to change.

The pressure has almost broken me. I have come to see that I need a season in my life where I am selfish by prioritizing myself and my needs, and letting everyone else take notice.

Therapy has helped me see that what may seem like a strong person on the outside doesn’t speak to what’s going on on the inside. I need to keep working so that my insides become stronger.

This stage of me means I will be less available, I won’t provide financial support as freely, I will respond to calls and messages intentionally, and I won’t be the first person everyone in my life turns to.

And everything will be fine.

After 27 years of being someone everyone depends on, I have to take better care of myself and that’s what I’m going to do.