We’ve been living with my parents in a multi-generational home in Australia since March, when they returned from a trip, and it’s been a rollercoaster with many ups and downs. But it’s one I wouldn’t change. My sassy 3-year-old son is the youngest member of our house; The oldest is my dad, 81 years old.

From the beginning, my parents established some ground rules to help avoid conflict and ensure everything ran smoothly. These included specific requests, such as not slamming doors or opening the refrigerator a million times a day.

We have also organically discovered some not spoken rules that have contributed to peace in our house. Adhering to these is the secret to making a multigenerational living arrangement work.

We have all learned to play before entering, without being asked

When we lived alone as a family of five, our children had no idea about privacy. And what happens if mom or dad is in the bathroom? That never stopped them from coming in to chat about the day’s problems or grab a hairbrush.

However, living with Nana and Pop, the children quickly had to learn to be considerate of other people’s space and privacy. That includes knocking before entering a room and not snooping through Nana and Pop’s drawers or belongings.

Being aware of noise helps keep peace

With three generations living under one roof, our home is a hive of activity during the day. At any given moment, our seven-year-old will be practicing cartwheels on the living room floor, our 11-year-old will be playing loudly in the yard, and our 3-year-old will be watching Bluey on TV.

But when 8pm rolls around, the whirlwind subsides and our family of five moves downstairs to give my parents some peace. They are 77 and 81 years old and, although they are still a lot of fun, they get tired at the end of the day.

They don’t undermine us when it comes to our children.

I wondered if there would be issues around boundaries and discipline, but it worked out well. There is an unspoken understanding that my parents will not undermine my husband and me when we discipline our children. We have the final say, and if it’s time to sleep or we tell them to adjust their attitude, my parents don’t interfere.

Likewise, if there is certain table etiquette that my parents expect to be followed, we try to make sure the children understand and respect those rules. This mutual respect between generations creates a contented and happy home.

We all keep the common areas tidy

Keeping the common areas clean and tidy is a mission, I won’t lie. With three kids running around, there are inevitably a ton of Barbies, books and dirty socks at the top of the stairs each night that have to be carried downstairs to our area of ​​the house and put away.

We’ve gotten into the habit of cleaning up immediately after using the kitchen, so my parents don’t have to do it if my husband and I get distracted from work or the kids.

We share (most) foods and replace what we finish

In my opinion, living with two other adults has really helped ease the mental burden of running a household. If one of us uses the last drop of milk or eats the last piece of bread, there is a tacit understanding that that person replaces him. We never made this a household rule, but it ended up that way.

We do not separate foods in the refrigerator or pantry and share most foods. However, there are certain items in the kitchen that we understand are prohibited. For example, I would never devour Dad’s favorite ice cream or Mom’s beloved red wine.

Living with my parents again at the age of 41 was not something I had ever seen happen, but it has been surprisingly easy. By sticking to the ground rules, both spoken and unspoken, we make things work and have a lot of fun along the way.