I am the organizer of my group of friends. But I’m not an organizer by nature.

I love separating clothes into piles and then putting the unfolded clothes in the drawers. I’m also not a glamorous boss who makes everyone wear coordinated outfits. And I don’t always want to get close.

Like anyone, I can feel vulnerable and exposed. On some level, I worry that the group will RSVP and explain to me that they would never hang out with me because of my squinty right eye and deep love of puns.

But I do it anyway.

Organizing doesn’t come naturally to me.

Everywhere I’ve lived, and there have been many, I’ve been the one making plans, sending out that invitation, and gathering friends. Somehow, instinctively, I have known that I need friends and, to have them, someone has to organize.

In movies and TV shows, friends are secondary to the big goal: finding romantic love. When friends take center stage, as in the Netflix show “Sweet Magnolias” (about three absurdly well-dressed friends, who talk sweetly while eating gourmet sandwiches), Sanitized and unrealistic portrayals are another problem, especially since many of us know that friendship can be complicated. It’s too much pressure.

The only alternative is a big swing in the other direction. Women are supposed to be competition, and the media revels in stories of related feuds or rifts in high-profile friend groups, including the Spice Girls, Taylor Swift’s “squad” and, most recently, Ashley Tisdale’s mom group. In series like “Gossip Girl”, with the ruthless Blair Waldorf, or the movie “Mean Girls”, With the ultimate queen bee, Regina George, the organizers appear to be the rotten core, the cancer that spreads through text messages or a triple-call attack.

Female friendship is good for us.

The messages confuse the facts. Female friendship is powerful and, in my life, it is usually positive. Women provide each other with information, inspiration and security. With the support of friends, women of the past have been able to leave their mark on art, politics and everyday life. Eleanor Roosevelt, for example, became more confident and a better leader thanks to her friendships with intelligent women.

It also has health benefits: scientists describe friendship as an antidote to depression, with the power to reduce blood pressure and overall stress. A study suggests that female friendship can also slow down the aging process and help us live longer.

Organizing a gathering of friends doesn’t have to be complicated

If someone didn’t come around, we wouldn’t see our friends or experience these benefits, especially given everyone’s busy schedules. But getting organized doesn’t have to be difficult. In my experience, you also don’t need to match jerseys, power plays, or make elaborate plans.

My preferred move is a simple coffee meeting for anyone who can attend. It’s at the same time and place every week. At this point, I just send a text reminder and show up. Without big commitments. Without big expenses.

I often bring work or a book, in case last-minute conflicts arise. If that happens, there are no bad feelings. I’m glad I splurged on a sweetened latte while working.

In the past, I’ve tried to host dinner parties, but there were always too many conflicts, both over scheduling and dietary needs. I didn’t enjoy the negotiations before or after the bill arrived. For me, a simpler plan gets the job done without the risk of a headache or an allergic reaction to shellfish.

I’m learning from my mom’s example, but doing it my way.

My mother has a similar gathering with her friends, all of whom are retired. They gather weekly in my mother’s garden, where they pick flowers and then deliver bouquets to a memory care center and a women’s shelter.

While my mom’s inspired group gathering is more than my group can handle right now, we’re already thinking about the next phase. With kids heading off to college soon, we look forward to a future walking group or game night. No one seemed interested in my idea of ​​forming an a cappella choir club.

Obviously, we all come to the café as we are. I try to shower. But there is no obligation. And there is certainly no evidence of our meetings on social media.

Some people may have a higher tolerance for time-consuming planning. Maybe you’ll enjoy it. Of course, that doesn’t mean they’re going to be stylish “bad girls” either. That cultural trope does women a disservice, whether we gravitate toward event coordination or not.

The reality is that anyone can be the organizer of the group of friends and it does not have to conform to stereotypes or be complicated. In the end the effort, any effort, is worth it.